jessye (be_my_hero) wrote,

I feel horribly mixed up, but I'm afraid to talk or think about it too much.

There's something entiely wrong about my being here, I think, but I don't want to admit it. It's not all wrong, but something wrong enough that I feel miserable and lonely way too often. It's scary to admit. I want it to be right.

Am I even doing what I want? I am. But I don't know- I'm second guessing myself more than I ever have before. I'm trying really hard to stay above it. I'm being progressive and as positive as I can. I just keep telling myself that it will be better, and that I just "need to try my hardest to be awesome." And I mean that. I'm feeling the need to please, and a lot. But not for anyone else, for me. I need to be liked. I need to be accepted, and the logic goes, if you're not awesome, that'll never happen.

I don't know that I've ever felt this out of place for so long.

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