jessye (be_my_hero) wrote,


It's been a while- I thought it'd be good for me to get a real journal. I'm not against livejournals though. I know they're dumb, but so be it. Dumb things occur and they're usually okay.

My mind has been on the run today- it's been hard to focus and I've been feeling somewhat out of my skin since this afternoon. I'm feeling like me again, but my head is still racing.

I can't get over the idea of people.
I'm absolutely consumed by the idea of people.
It kills me that our society has taught us to fear strangers, assume the worst, never talk to them, don't make eye contact. If they say something to you, they have malicious intentions.
It's justified, but not to the extent we all judge and mistrust- but there's no way around it. It's that 10% chance that this is the one time you've stumbled across someone who wants to rob you, rape you, kill you. You can't risk it.
Some of the best moments are those small, insignificant, meaningless interactions with strangers. The times that you happen to take the risk, or it just happens, and you end up talking to, or simply looking at someone you don't know, someone who's interesting to you for the mere reason that you know nothing about them.

These moments intrigue me more than anything.

It's dangerous, isn't it?
Maybe that's why. But I don't think so, because the idea that there is forced but somehow justified mistrust digusts me, because out of all the strangers you meet, how many are really malicious?
Of course, I do understand that I live in a city, and that there are plenty of dangerous people out there.
There are the crack addicts that wander through the common at all hours.
There are the creepy men who call out to you on the sketchy block with the homeless shelter that leads into Chinatown.
There are the child molesters, the kidnappers, the muggers, the criminals.
There's the scary fact that there's no point in having a rape whistle, because who's going to respond to a whistle thinking anything but "I wish that fucker would shut up, that's so goddam annoying." Nobody. People scream and blow whistles all the time. It's noise, it just blends in. You're supposed to yell fire if you need help, and the logic:
If you yell "rape," save the few brave and able people, nobody is going to have the guts to come and help you. But if you yell "fire," people will certainly help- fire is a problem that everyone knows how to attack, and when they come to your aid and realize that it's not fire, it'll be too late to back out of helping.
That shit is fucked up.

The lack of trust scares me. It's necessary to an extent. But it's really just too bad.
Is it just America?
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